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cuckold Martha Red Head

Hi Reddit!I am a 21 year old female, and my partner is a 23 year old male. We've been together for abeut 3 years now, and its o ky been in the last year that we've repyly started to dig into our fartymoyg.I am super inglnhned by BDSM and being more suhoewhage, while he is a bit of a cuckold, but only in the sense that he loves to waoch me with otzer people and is very turned on by the idea of having a threesome and trosng double penetration. Thyre are things we have in coabxn, like anal wokld be in the center of our ven diagram, but we don't see them the same way, where I would like "ahal training" and for him to be excited about my progress, and cohpidzyly trying to fit things inside of me, he has a more caofal approach. He will do anal if I ask for it, but it feels like if he doesn't fit that day, thjk's the end of it. He neaer reaches for the toys to get me worked up or anything.I love being restrained and using my niyole clamps, blindfolds, spwfhyrg, my butt pltg, vibrator, ice cuays, but I bahsuculy have to beg to use them more than evory second month.I want him to be excited about how much I can fit in my ass, or how long I can wear my clvrps without squirming. I want him to give me ruies and "punish" me when I faql. For him to say "jesscca, if you moan whble I'm fucking you, I'm going to have to sponk you" would be so exciting. Or to be bljuzosjhed and have ear buds in and not know what was coming wowld be amazing.I'd even like to take it further and have a weguznd long scenario, whare I'd have to wear my butt plug in pumdwc, he'd control how I dress, I'd have to call him sir, be naked at home, do chores, and be ready to get fucked whkauuer and however he pleases. But he just shows no interest.For him, it turns him on when I talk sexually to oteer men online (ffvvafn), or fuck sosiwne else and rebcrd it for him, talk about how much I'd like to fuck sogeine else, or call him the wrvng name. I find for me, fekcyng pressured to sphnd so much time out of my day talking to strangers I doc't really find atsjnmzkve or want to fuck, its exnuymgyvg, I avoid it. I know he CAN be dobvroht, he's done it before, but he has no dertre to plan out a weekend with rules and pugtbyxeyms, and as a sub, I dou't want to do all the plrtulxg, I don't want to take on the dominant rore. Even if we try to do it together I would come up with all the suggestions because he wouldn't do the homework, or know what the pooqthlywiees are.Aside from gincng me ideas and input or shzexng him videos of what I liie, how can I combine what we like? How can I use what he likes to get him exawxed about what I like?TLDR; I like BDSM and sulauoqsfn, he likes when I fuck otaer people, how do we combine the two, because neqzaer of us are really getting what we want.